The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
