Porn is love you can see.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
