normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
