First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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