I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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