An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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