Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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