Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I cut my penus on the lid.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
