nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
