it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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