I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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