I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
