My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
