I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
