guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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