Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
