I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
