A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
