What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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