I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
