Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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