this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
