Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
