Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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