i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
