OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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