Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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