i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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