Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
