So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
