If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
