Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
