I have demons in me.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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