We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
