Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
