Is it because I queefed?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
