You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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