Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
