I wish my penis had an off switch
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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