My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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