perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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