That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
