I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize