i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
