I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
