Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize