He disabled his match.com account in front of me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't deserve a penis
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
