my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
