She is in my trunk
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
