If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
