Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
