Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
