I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
