moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
