they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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