There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
