I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
