I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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