every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
