My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
