did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
