Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
