don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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