You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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