So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
