remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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