beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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