Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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