just come out here and I will go home with you...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
