and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize