im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize