Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
