I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
