On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
