On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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