Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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